Moʻo

"Hey, isnʻt that a GEICO gecko?"
"Oh, yeah it is!"
"Look. It doesʻt have a tail"
"Maybe a cat tried to eat it.
Can you catch it for me?
i want you to get me one for christmas."
"OK, Iʻll try"
"Aw, it got away."
"Thatʻs OK, you donʻt want one without a tail
anyway."

for someone who despises words, those were the most
thinly veiled words spoken.
the sadness you could not hide,
with anger i shouldn't have kissed you.
teeth meeting teeth, its violence surprised you.
many times i have said, "There is no reason to fight".

"Reverse Goldilocks",
muttered as i awoke. exactly.
"I know it's not fair."
You sat in my chair, ate my food and slept in my bed.
repeat.
i gave you a key to my apartment,
you never went back to yours.

the nicest thing about Hawaii Loa was the view.
At night i would sit on the roof or your
filing cabinet and watch the moon move across the bay.
picturesque.
Ms Elaine Chang died a week before you left.
She thought you were a swell guy.

i wished you had left me your Smith & Wesson not
your movies, shitty books/music and other things
you could not part with.
'till the end i protected you because
"You become responsible,
forever, for what you have tamed."

さようなら
i thought as you lumbered
to the wrong parking lot.

i have stopped drinking
and smoking excessively.
i do not cry at work,
on the bus,
in the car,
while listening to music
or watching television.
only the faintest florecent
flickers of pain.
in photographs i smile,
i am happy.


Christmas Day, Laundry Room, 1pm:
i see the GEICO Gecko.
the little sucker is bigger
than i remembered.
where a stump was, a phosphoresent tail.
beady black eyes watching my hand,
he slowly
lifts a foot
i see your setae.
i wonder if you tickle.
and he cheeses it--
behind the wash basin.
rats!