Tuesday, September 4, 2012
On Exploitation
something profound here
Whether it be about celebrity
Or otherwise. it's a misnomer
to think people are willing
exploit themselves. And by that
I mean it's not much of a
Choice. it's a hard bargain
To give up anonymity and liberty
for material wealth and comfort.
people who have never been
hungry/poor will never understand.
I read somewhere that people who
Aim for the appraise of the crowd
Are people who are looking for
Something to fill the void from
The lack of unconditional love &
Affirmation from one's parents.
something tells me it's very true.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Aging
Things I Would Like to Hold on to:
Youth,
Memories,
both good and bad,
Time,
make it stand still,
My Dinner.
Monday, June 4, 2012
On Being Haunted
It's about being haunted.
We live mostly in our head.
There are theories and ideas to flesh out,
finding the right words to say,
analyzing a gaze,
events planned properly,
routes taken neatly and efficiently.
Till the end you are disruptive,
a terrible figure of desire in a dream,
and even then the disappointment is palpable.
sleeping and waking in dreams are indications
of illness.
i waste
no time and words with you
in a seedy corner of subconsciousness.
The act leaves me set in a messy motel room,
the faucet is leaking,
i know this because i am trying to wash my hands.
In the cabinet, there are exactly two pink pills.
Time measured in packets,
i take it because i don't want anything
to do with you anymore.
i wake up bemused.
Sometimes,
when my body is telling me to get up
and use the restroom, my dreams turn into nightmares.
So this nightmare is shaken off.
Until from my peripheral,
i see you.
Someone i imagine you to be,
not in an imagined place but in the corporeal.
Shock is very little understood.
My body knows what my mind cannot.
i keep walking.
i cannot say what is bothering me.
i want to scream.
Run down the list of 'maybes".
Maybe I:
still love you,
wish things didn't end that way,
should have known better,
regret ever knowing you,
never want to see you,
need a cigarette,
need more than a cigarette,
wonder why you still hurt me,
am angry and
don't like being reminded of you.
Let's call this psychic pain.
Something that wanes with time,
but the body remembers,
the sudden sadness, the loss.
Grief is experienced in stages.
The pain i can carry,
it is the sadness i cannot.
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