Moʻo

"Hey, isnʻt that a GEICO gecko?"
"Oh, yeah it is!"
"Look. It doesʻt have a tail"
"Maybe a cat tried to eat it.
Can you catch it for me?
i want you to get me one for christmas."
"OK, Iʻll try"
"Aw, it got away."
"Thatʻs OK, you donʻt want one without a tail
anyway."

for someone who despises words, those were the most
thinly veiled words spoken.
the sadness you could not hide,
with anger i shouldn't have kissed you.
teeth meeting teeth, its violence surprised you.
many times i have said, "There is no reason to fight".

"Reverse Goldilocks",
muttered as i awoke. exactly.
"I know it's not fair."
You sat in my chair, ate my food and slept in my bed.
repeat.
i gave you a key to my apartment,
you never went back to yours.

the nicest thing about Hawaii Loa was the view.
At night i would sit on the roof or your
filing cabinet and watch the moon move across the bay.
picturesque.
Ms Elaine Chang died a week before you left.
She thought you were a swell guy.

i wished you had left me your Smith & Wesson not
your movies, shitty books/music and other things
you could not part with.
'till the end i protected you because
"You become responsible,
forever, for what you have tamed."

さようなら
i thought as you lumbered
to the wrong parking lot.

i have stopped drinking
and smoking excessively.
i do not cry at work,
on the bus,
in the car,
while listening to music
or watching television.
only the faintest florecent
flickers of pain.
in photographs i smile,
i am happy.


Christmas Day, Laundry Room, 1pm:
i see the GEICO Gecko.
the little sucker is bigger
than i remembered.
where a stump was, a phosphoresent tail.
beady black eyes watching my hand,
he slowly
lifts a foot
i see your setae.
i wonder if you tickle.
and he cheeses it--
behind the wash basin.
rats!

On Heartache

A few days ago
a friend of mine asked me if I had done something with my hair
because I '...look different.."
To this I ran down the usual list:
Glasses,nope,
hair is frizzy, nope,
not wearing makeup, nope.
Running out of things that could possibly make my being different,
I replied, "I'm happy today".
And I repeated this statement, emphatically.
Truly.
It's been a long time.

Luz

Turns out that love is easier than hate
and I should probably stick to loving the people
in my life, even if these persons have hurt me.

Revenge as oft depicted by Tarantino and Pak
is long, ugly and ultimately not worth the time.
The pain, anger and sadness are temporary. Life
ebbs between lightness and heaviness and tonight
I am light.

awkward, sort of

Perils of having parents on FB: Mom said,
"Mirina, I saw you went out drinking with friends.
And with boys too( disapproving voice)."
I didn't have the heart to tell her that more than half
the boys were absolutely apt to dress me rather than undress me
and that the other set of boys are just good friends
^_____^

"Angel" - Massive Attack

had a badass cinematic dream,
soundtrack included.

i'm in this mockup of Sacred Hearts Academy.
in my dreams SHA is a large labrynth like complex
that smacks of a penitentiary. the red roof
translates well into my dreams. we are all in
our late teens, congregating in the gym.
there are boys and girls, we have on the same
uniforms, raglan tees and black shorts.
we're all just doing what we have to do,
knowing the inevitable.


suddenly, i realize i have to escape this joint.
i'm opening all these ornate doors,
trying to escape but am being
shot at from the outside.
i move between doors for cover and when
i face each door the view is clouded.
these ornate doors turn into cheap mirrors
as soon as i face them. i can't see my enemies
and there are bullets whizzing past my head,
stucco and wood fragments flying in fractals.
::Cue in Massive Attack's "Angel"::

suddenly this dude comes out of nowhere
and starts running with me. he leads me out of the gym
and asks me to get into a Japanese van, which promptly
turns into a badass bike. the bike is silver and blue.
i'm holding on to this bike for dear life,
i can feel the wind in my face.
i see the stars above us.
mostly i feel safe.

his bike is lighting up the road.
we are driving on a well paved road then veer
on to a dirt track. the dirt is brown sugar in hue.
there are more kids in uniforms stuck at this fence.
it's just this fence and green grass on the other side.
attempt one, ram gate open. this fails. attempt two
trying to jump a fence and then somebody woke me up.

i wonder who else has multimedia dreams.

Having One

oh sweet clove cigarette, my lungs feel incapacitated but the cloudy lungs
they are worth the smoke. puff puff puff signals. now i know why singers
smoke regularly. how else is one supposed be mindful of breathing?

Isn't it terrible that all the fun things in life are bad for your health-
but such is life! bacon= tasty, drinking= jubilation, speeding=fun and
no matter how many strips of bacon i eat while downing martini in my mother's
beamer, i will never crash.

On Floundering

ah one of my favorite subjects.
my endless floundering. mermaid in a bathtub,
odd creation crash landed in the middle of the pacific ocean.
slosh, slosh, slosh.
now i'm drier and have stopped smoking.
this time is for me.

this is my mild and sly return to the blogosphere.
home of my heart for the past 11 years.
i can't muster the will to deaden the itch to type
the itch to write. i hear that the choice to write is a suicide pact.
but what am i to do with no vice?

with my new fangled freedom
i've been blowing up Facebook,
reading a Queen Mary boatload of articles on everything from
physics to fashion, circuits to circus, our love affair with technology,
the legality of state sanctioned assassination and living a life eating bitter.

projects here i come

Mahayana

http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20110422/sc_livescience/scientistsabuzzovercontroversialrumorthatgodparticlehasbeendetected

Is this why I am dreaming of electric green grass,
the universe unfolding
twin stars and galaxies
nebulas and knowledge
Open Close Open Close
extraterrestrial communication,
packing Aqua Man for The Journey and
acts of love and survival?

Someone once said
that God is simply love and that we are all
moving towards a single direction.  
While I don't know if this is true
It would be a nice surprise-
to be on a grassy knoll
watching the many moons and stars
A quiet peace that fills all space
Understanding exactly everything.

Ain't No Sunshine

Umma,
Can you give me a ride home,
It's raining? Do you have an umbrella?
My Car windshield is leaking
Take the Bus

OK

When I was young
I thought I was adopted

OK

#2 Man with a Box
Sits next to me
You want my box to break,
Don't You? Little Girl
Wants my box to break
Filipino Lady saves me,
I think she's an angel.
She gets his ass kicked off the bus
#2 Man with a Box
Points and threatens and old Japanese lady
and gets off the #2

OK

Rainy night.

OK

#1 Hawaii Kai
Cold and Quick
Fat Fat rain
No Heat
No Fatigue

Casmero and Company
Security Shack
Wave, Wave, Wave
At me. Good Night,


One Million Miles Away
OK
But Ain't No Sunshine

Nothing for me here.
I think Nothing tastes good,
The Artist would agree.
It's not even scary
Thinking
The Ghost can keep me company.